Hey guys,

My parents have been out of town since Wednesday afternoon, which has been good. But this means that I have had to walk to work and anywhere else in case I wanted anything. Obviously, for a pseudo-slob like myself, this is troublesome.

But it's not that big of a deal. It gives me a sense of responsibility and self-reliance, and it doesn't hurt to get out of the house every now and then.

Anyway, it was brought to my attention that Mario Kart Wii would be coming out today (Sunday), and since I had all sorts of games to trade in and my local Gamestop is about a 20-minute walk/bike (I alternate), I figured I might as well go ahead and buy the game.

I'm in the store, sweaty as all buckets (yes, buckets are sweaty), and I trade in my stuff and leave the store only having spent a little over $18 (which is great compared to the $50 asking price). I get home, wash up (so as to not compare myself to buckets anymore), feed my dog, feed myself, get stuck watching America's Next Top Model for an hour or so (It's so addictive!), and then I finally pop Mario Kart Wii into my machine. Here are my impressions:

Mario Kart Wii comes with the Wii Wheel, a nifty plastic shell that you put the Wii Remote into in order for it to more accurately simulate driving. Sort of. The Wii Wheel feels pretty comfortable in one's hands and compliments Mario Kart quite well. No complaints there. However, if you prefer to play without it, there's nothing stopping you, and from what I understand, you can also play with a GCN controller (or a Classic Controller, perhaps, I'm not %100 positive) if you don't like the motion-based controls.

To play Mario Kart Wii, all you really have to know is that the "2" button is accelerate, the "1" button is break/drift, you use the d-pad to use items, and you simply turn the wheel to turn your car. I have to say, despite its simplicity, there's a bit of a learning curve. But it works really well. I haven't had any problems with the controls after my 3-hour run with the game.

However, Although the controls work well without any real issues, I'm still unimpressed by the game. What is it that I don't like?

It's the most frustrating game I've played in a very long time. Bar none.

There's a difference between playing a difficult game (good) and playing a game that is so frustratingly hard, the only way it could be any worse is if your TV screen was spewing sulphuric acid into your eyes (bad). Even on the easiest mode in the Grand Prix (50cc), you might suddenly find yourself going from 1st place to 12th place (last) in a matter of about 5 seconds, and that's absolutely not an exaggeration. After trying the hardest mode, you can imagine I was pretty irritated. I was literally in 1st place, only to be hit by a flying blue shell, then a red shell, then another red shell, then plowed through by a computer player who had gotten an invincibility star, and then in last place, very far behind the rest of the players.

Why is the game so ridiculously difficult? The answer is that, unlike its predecessors, the game has even more unforgiving items in the mix than before, and with 12 players, there are more of these obnoxious items flying around. You'll be hard-pressed to find a road that doesn't have several bananas and rogue green shells zooming around during the 3rd/final lap, and chances are, you're going to get hit. Before, the only item you had to worry about when you were in 1st place were the blue shell, the red shell, and the lightning bolt. Now, you have to worry about those, in addition to the pow block, the bullet bill (occasionally), the super mushroom (that makes players grow to large sizes and squash the competition), and the lighting cloud (strikes you if you get it, unless you bump into another player to pass it to them). I'm probably forgetting something, but I'm sure it's horrendous, too.

Being on Wii means the game is supposed to be "family friendly." That means that grandma, dad, mom, and little Susie probably suck at it. But they don't have to worry: if they're in 5th place or below, they'll get all of the good items and instantly head to the front.

Isn't that a shame?

Additionally, Battle mode was a disappointment, as it's now team-based. God forbid anyone do anything themselves when playing the Wii.

I have heard good things about the online mode, but the truth of the matter is that, whether your playing by yourself, with your friends in your own living room, or with people you don't even know, this game is still going to be awfully lackluster.

One more thing to add: While some of the levels are well-designed (Bowser's Castle is the very first one that comes to mind), the game doesn't look very good from a technical standpoint. You know me. I'm not a graphics whore. I'm usually able to make do. But the low-poly characters you'll be driving as through bland, detail-lacking worlds will make you realize that Mario Kart Wii was definitely an afterthought for the folks over at Nintendo. They tried to hide all of this with extensive bloom lighting and depth-of-field blur, but it will hardly fool you: this game doesn't look very good.

The Final Word: With frustrating computer players, poor item distribution, and bargain-bin graphics, Mario Kart Wii is mostly a disappointment. There is some fun to be had with the enjoyable driving mechanics, despite the slight learning curve, and the game isn't all horrible. But it's hardly worth the $50 asking price. I know if I had paid that much to play it, I would have been pretty angry.

My Final Score: 5.5 out of 10.0

Alright, I just felt the need to let you guys know my opinion, in case anyone was on the fence. I say you should not buy it unless you just absolutely need it and you have a lot of money laying around/lots of trade-in credit at GameStop. But I suppose you can be the judge.

Best regards, and play something better,

~Andrew

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